Political T-shirts Website Up

This is just a small note to let everyone know that the newly redesigned political t-shirts website is now up and running. Many new designs have been added so its worth checking out (if you're a liberal that is). If you happen to be a conservative, then don't bother as the site will only make you grind your teeth and do a little Tourettes swearing.

Oh Lord Stuck In Lodi Again - Man Sues Self

Yes, its true that a man in Lodi, California is suing the city for driving a dump truck into his car. The only problem is that this man is also the driver of the dump truck. The man, Curtis Gokey, filed a claim for $3,600, but Lodi officials denied the claim, since in essence, Mr. Gokey was suing himself. Rumor has it that Credence Clearwater Revival's "Oh, Lord, Stuck in Lodi Again" was playing on his radio when the accident occurred.

Since that claim was denied, the Gokey's decided to file a claim under the wife's name, Rhonda. Rhonda is suing for $4,800 since apparently she's not as nice as her husband.

So, what's next? Will this man now ram the dump truck into his own house so that he may sue for some badly needed home repairs? Perhaps he has a few friends who would like new cars or home repairs as well. And why isn't this man's paycheck being docked for his reckless driving endeavors?

Anyway, I would like to see the face of the judge who tries this suit when he finds out what this case is about. Perhaps even an appearance on Judge Judy would be in order.

Mad Cow in Alabama Not Bad Cow

In Alabama, there was one bovine that tested positive for Mad Cow Disease. Apparently, the cow never entered the food chain so we’re all safe. How now mad brown cow, was a question many asked. And then, when they got over themselves, they continued to ask how the cow contracted the fatal disease in the first place.

According to the FDA (Fatal Disease Association) the cow was being targeted by post-Katrina evacuees for late night cow-tipping sessions. Oh, at first, it was just a prank. Then, night after night, of being tipped over with no recourse against her aggressors, the cow slowly went, mad, mad I tell you, utterly and completely MAD!

So, there you have it. Bovine Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) brought on by some silly adolescent shenanigans that just went too far. Our next story will feature PTSD in snails and does it really matter?

St. Patrick’s Day Shout Out

Here's a shout out to all you Irish, part-Irish and wannabee Irish people this upcoming St. Patty's Day! As part-Irish (and full of ire) myself, I think St. Patrick's Day is a great time to celebrate everything green including beer and mold. In fact, green beer with green eggs and ham (sans Seuss) is a great combination for this upcoming leprechaun-fest.

So, go enjoy yourselves, do a toast, dance a jig, swear a little, kiss the Blarney Stone and eat some Lucky Charms drenched in green ale.

Which Is More, a Bazillion or a Gazillion?

Well, the official tally is in! Most people interviewed (meaning the few people I regularly talk to who put up with such nonsense) overwhelming say that a gazillion is worth far more than a bazillion. When asked why they chose one made-up word over another, the answers were a lot murkier.

One of the more cataract-clear answers was, "Well, a bazillion is like a billion on steroids, but a gazillion is like a gigabyte full of zeroes, so a gazillion definitely has to be worth more."

Well, its hard to argue with that logic! But there you have it, another half-baked, pseudo-scientific poll taken in the name of higher education, the people's right to know, and just plain silly (or supercilious) fun.