May You Have A Grand Afterlife

After a particularly dream-filled night of sleep, I had a thought:

Heaven is the accumulation of all of the dreams you've had in your lifetime. Hell is the accumulation of all of your nightmares. In the afterlife, may you live your dreams instead of your nightmares.

Not particularly funny is it?

What is funny though, is the new line of Valentine's Day t-shirts that I've just posted, especially the "Eye Rub Ewe" visual pun and the more risqué "Romance In My Pants" funny t-shirt creation.

Check them out! I promise they won't give you nightmares.

Palestinians Choose Hamas – A Healthy Choice

I don’t know what the big deal is about the Palestinians choosing Hamas. I personally like Hamas.

And, since the Palestinians chose Hamas through democratic elections, who are we to complain? I mean anything chosen through democratic elections are much better than the alternative, right?

Now, if we could just get the Palestinians to choose tabouli and feta cheese to go along with the Hamas, then we’d be onto something quite delectable.

Like I said, I’m a fan of Hamas. Bring out the crackers and carrot sticks!

Kobe Bryant Scores 81 Points, Second to Wilt

So, Kobe Bryant scored 81 points in last night's game against the Toronto Raptors. This is second only in history to Wilt Chamberlain's 100 point game.

Two words: double team.

Is there anything more that needs to be said? I mean, if a guy is dropping two's and three's like a gambler at a slot machine, you put two men on him and hound dog him around the court. There is no excuse for a basketball team having one player score 81 points on them.

Kobe is not as tall as Wilt or Kareem or as heavy as Shaq and in the past when he's been double-teamed he has not put the points on the board.

To the coach of the Raptors: double team. Try this out and save yourself some embarrassment next time. 'Nough said.

Sleeper Cells Prevalent

Code Orange, Code Yellow, what's it all mean? This country has been on alert so much during the past 4 years that by now we’re just sleeping through it. And that's a good thing. Just more proof that there are a vast number of sleeper cells in this country.

If you'd like more evidence of sleeper cells, just go to a major airport at midnight and you'll see cells of sleepers on the benches, floors and in chairs. Also visit any prison during 'lights out' and you can't help but see hundreds or even thousands of sleeper cells waiting for sun up.

Remember grade school science class when you sandwiched a paramecium between two small plates of glass? Hey, sometimes that cell has to sleep, too.

The CIA, NSA and FBI have spent way too much time trying to track the sleeper cells in this country. A bit of advice: follow the Ambien trail. That will lead to more than enough sleepers to satisfy even the most finicky of spies.

Celebrity Blogs – 2006 Is The Year

Okay, I’m a little behind the times, I guess. I was cruising the Internet, looking for humor (while you of course where looking for midget lesbians from Down Under or something similar) and I stumbled across Scott Adam's blog. Of course, Scott Adams is the creator of the Dilbert cartoon strip. I arrived at this site through a message board that was discussing celebrities who have their own blogs.

Apparently, there are not a ton of celebrities who are into blogging right now, but this is expected to change in 2006. I just can’t wait for the Anna Nicole or Paris Hilton blogs to come online (sarcasm is many times lost in print).

I do think, however, in 2006 more and more celebrities will be reaching out to their fans via blogs. It's the perfect medium for a little public relations and in fact, many celebrities, will probably have their PR firm or some ghost writer writing their blogs for them.

Anyway, smoke and mirrors or not, its good to know what some celebrities like James Frey, author of "A Million Little Pieces" will have to say, (if it is indeed him saying it and if it is indeed the truth). You can’t really blame Frey for the fabrications in his book, though. Isn't that what addicts typically do?

Anyway, what is it I'm trying to say? I dunno. The coffee has failed to kick in, so the only thing I'm certain about right now is the fact that I’m going to go take a nap.

New Shopping Carts Are Coming For Funny T-shirts Sites

Okay, I know its not cool but sometimes I can be a real nerd. I mean for the past couple of weeks I've been toying with the idea of updating the funny t-shirt sites with a new look and feel, new web design and umph, here’s the nerdy part, I'm getting excited over some new shopping cart software I'm looking over. Good God, I said it, "I AM A NERD!!! AAAAAAARRRGGHH!!!"

This new shopping cart software slices and dices and make Julian fries. It's not only a furniture polish but a fabric softener as well. It chops, grates, peels, folds, spindles, mutilates all in one pass. It's the greatest thing since sliced bread and metal tipped shoelaces plus its low in carbs.

Anyway, I'm excited. Big whoop. Nerd-boy over an out.

Funny T-shirts Finally Finished

Finished! The new funny t-shirt designs have been uploaded to the April-Fools.us website. A few of the funny t-shirt designs are all-time favorites but most of the funny t-shirts are originals just released today.

I encourage one and all to check out the new funny t-shirts as all the popular categories have been covered plus a couple created just for the April-Fools.us website.

I'm also working on some new funny t-shirts for another website (surprise, surprise) so there will be more info about this in the coming weeks. As always, hasta lumbago and go do something fun, then tell me I did it.

Funny T-shirts For April Fools Site

Funny t-shirts are now going up on the April Fools website. I should be finished uploading the new designs / products in the next couple of days. It will be interesting to see the reaction to these funny t-shirts as most have never appeared before on the web. It will also be interesting to see how well these pages do in the search engine rankings competing with other websites that focus only on funny t-shirts and nothing else. I'm keeping my fingers crossed on this one. And toes. And of course, eyes, as well.

New Yuk, New Yuk

Like David Letterman says, "The name so nice they say it twice." Just got back from New Yuk, New Yuk from a fantastic New Year's celebration. Being originally from the Midwest and now from California I was expecting to run into that famous New Yukker rudeness, which I never did.

In fact, all I received was helpfulness and kindness the whole trip. Spent some time in Brooklyn, which was much cleaner and friendly than I expected, though I’m told there are much rougher parts than where we stayed. Took the F-train, (or Effin' Train as I heard it referred to) uptown to check out Times Square and other touristy sites.

Funny T-shirt ideas were everywhere and I kept notes. You may not see East Coast specific tees on the sites, but the ideas and attitude are definitely from the Eastern Border. Anyway, Happy New Years to everyone and let's have a healthful and prosperous 2006.